It is a rainy Sunday morning, and before I get started on my day, I wanted to share with you some reflections I have had on parenting. This applies not only to those of us who have been blessed with an LD child, but also to all parents. Those of you who are not parents, but who may be professionals, it is good to understand the parents of your clients and students. We have some secrets.

 Our first secret is that we have children who are not perfect. You would never know this by talking to us. From our mouths come such accolades that you would think that our child will be the youngest president ever elected! Our child will very soon be recruited for the Olympics! Our child is the very next Picasso!

 Yes, we hold our cards to our chest. Why? I think because parenting is so important – after all, we are molding the next generation. Our every step is carefully measured and combined, then we step back, watch, and hope that the child we are raising has come out to meet our, and the entire world’s, expectations.

 But they don’t. So we have guilt – secret number 2. We can’t discuss this with anyone, because then people would know that our child is not perfect (secret number 1). This guilt is pretty darn pervasive, and can bring us to our knees in depression. We wanted this child soooo much, but here he or she is, not perfect. The secret: it is our fault for having them in the first place, giving them our faulty genes, drinking coffee or alcohol during pregnancy, using drugs during delivery, not spending every minute with them in infancy, wishing they would stop crying, feeling tired, dropping them, giving immunizations, not breast-feeding long enough, paying attention to other siblings, leaving them with a babysitter/daycare giver/grandparent/friend so we can have fun, leaving the TV on too much, not sending them to preschool, sending them to preschool, not going on playdates, going on the wrong playdates, and the list goes on. And we feel guilty no matter what we do.

 Secret #3: we don’t know what we are doing. It’s true (but shhhh, don’t tell anyone). There still is no universal course on parenting. We must figure this all out on-the-job. If we are lucky, our mothers gently instruct us and help us. If we are unlucky, our mother-in-laws and friends butt in with conflicting unsolicited advice on the newest/oldest remedies and tricks they have found to correct all our mistakes. No wonder we keep secret number 1!!

Finally, there are a multitude of secrets that we keep relating to the many little things we have done that we are ashamed of: not sterilizing the binky after every use, hiding a diaper rash, starting solids too early, giving our child foods with sugar, dye, or pesticides, finding our child too close to the stairs, outlet, or kitty litter. The list goes on.

For those of you who are not parents, please please forgive us. We are not perfect. We truly are trying.

For those of you who are children of parents – aren’t we all – let’s forgive our parents. They are not perfect. They are trying.

And for those of us who are in throws of parenthood,

1. Let’s pledge to forgive ourselves
2. Let’s offer kind words to other moms (while their children scream in the store)
3. Let’s remember some words that helped me during the worst of it all:

If I made a mistake I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.

As I send my oldest 2 kids off to college this week, I will cry (it’s a secret – don’t tell).  And I promise to at least try to remember my own advice!